ADC.08

8. Slippery Slope

'Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you' - Friedrich Nietzsche

Joel's last true summer of childhood was over. It is sad for a child to realise that at just twelve years old. When Joel's mother proudly presented him with his new school uniform he should have been pleased, but instead frowned at the thought of school. Joel was actually quite happy because they were the first clothes he hadn't inherited off his older brother, and what's more the trousers were black like those of the other boys. Perhaps it would stop the references to being a tramp, homeless, and poverty stricken.

Harris would now be a senior in Joel's boarding house on the return to school and guardian angel Dixon would have left altogether. Joel hoped the new Sheps would be strong enough to deal with Harris and his cronies. Secretly Joel selfishly hoped Harris would find a new prole to pick on as a softer target, he was ashamed at the thought. Would Joel have the decency to come to such a boy's aid as Herman had with him, or would he turn and look the other way as so many other boys had.

Dinosaur would still be Housemaster and rugby coach for Joel's year, but at least he would no longer be the form master. Hopefully by signing up for the photography class, Joel could curry favour with Dinosaur and maybe get some protection against Harris. It would be a shame because Joel had enjoyed the orienteering, which in truth was just preparation for the mandatory joining of the SCF in the third year. The School Cadet Force was the school's own mini army and was really quite exciting in some respects, especially to a young teen. Everybody had to join in their third year and remain for at least the duration of that year. Afterwards it was optional whether to continue or not. It was the school equivalent of National Service designed to instill discipline, but it was to have the reverse effect on Joel.

Trying to draw some positives from going back to school, Joel thought how it would be fun initiating the new batch of proles. He promised himself he would never behave like Harris though. Joel had conspired on the last day of term with Herman and Kramer on what to bring back to school. He had a bag of flour stashed in his case.

The fateful day finally arrived when Joel had to return to school and the butterflies were flapping for all they were worth. His mother waved tearfully as he left, lugging the heavy case to the bus stop. It took longer by bus and anything that would delay the inevitable was most welcome. Joel's eyes welled up, not because he was leaving his mother or friends, he just didn't want to go back to school. What a contrast to primary school when he couldn't wait to go back.

As Joel arrived at the school gates he immediately saw Carrots. With his size and shock of red hair, Carrots was easy to pick out in a crowd. Standing next to him was Kramer. Kramer and two other boys were making derogatory comments at each prole as they walked past, the silent Carrots just there for muscle. When he saw Joel, Kramer called out:
"Come and join us, these proles don't look like they have any balls!" he laughed.
"Maybe later, I need to get rid of my bag" Joel called back with a smile.

Kramer's reference reminded Joel how they had crouched in the bush to watch their fellow proles getting humiliated, as indeed they had just been themselves. It all seemed so long ago now. Joel had no intention of going back to Kramer who was being pretty mean, almost reducing several nervous proles to tears. It concerned Joel that Kramer might turn into another Harris. At least Kramer had spoken to Joel in a friendly manner, never a bad thing when he was one of the most popular boys in their year.

For the second time now Joel had more or less snubbed Kramer and he really needed all the friends he could get. Seeing Harris pushing some little kid around, Joel gave the bully a wide berth so as not to be noticed. Joel was still in the Lodge as was Harris, but this year he was out of the main dormitory and would be assigned a room to share with two others from his year.

Looking at the notice board in the Lodge, Joel saw he would be sharing with Willy and Dean. Joel liked Willy who had imparted snippets of information on occasion. He was very quiet like Herman but always acknowledged Joel, and didn't tease him for his appearance. Dean was still a little sour from the incident with Harris, but having not had any more problems from the bully he was less hostile. Willy and Dean were already in the room unpacking when Joel walked in. Both greeted him although Dean's greeting was more of a grunt. As Joel unpacked, Willy saw the bag of flour and grinned. He then produced his own bag of flour and six eggs. Dean rolled his eyes.
"Initiations are stupid" he snorted in disgust.
"Just a bit of fun Dean" Willy said.
"It's no fun if you are caught at the front!" Dean retorted sourly.

Dean was a game lad but unfortunately, like Joel, not very big. When they were bombarded in the showers, Dean was right near the entrance. He had tried frantically to squeeze through some of the other boys but was blocked by a solid wall of wet skin, too slippery to man-handle out of the way. As a result Dean took more than his fair share of direct hits. Perhaps it was why he was so upset by the incident with Harris in the woods.

It was debatable whether the sting of the eggs hitting bare flesh was better or worse than the bruising thud of a full bag of flour, but Joel thought better than to ask Dean his opinion. It might rub salt in the wounds and seem like a taunt. Joel decided to open his bag of flour before he threw it, at least it would soften the blow by allowing the flour to escape without the bag having to split on impact.

Assembly felt slightly different for Joel, better. As a second year he was no longer right at the front of the hall. With a line of proles separating Joel and his fellow second years from the stage, it felt comforting being partially obscured from the view of the teachers. When the new day boys arrived on the Monday morning there would be three rows in front of them which was even better. After assembly the second years and to a lesser extent the third years, hurried back to the boarding house to prepare their ammunition for the showers. All the doors to the second and third year rooms were open so they could see the proles nervously undressing for the showers. As the last proles left the main dormitory, the older boys emerged from their rooms armed to the teeth, and hurried after them.

When Joel approached the shower room the mayhem was already in full swing. He waited patiently and was one of the last in line to offload his parcel. Joel saw the look on the faces of the boys at the front of the showers. One or two appeared to be crying and the others looked genuinely frightened. He thought about what Dean had said and as Joel struggled with his conscience, his hesitation hadn't gone unnoticed.

Harris shoved Joel hard in the back and as he lurched towards the proles Joel tripped over the raised entrance to the showers. He was catapulted forward falling among the proles, Joel's hands spread out to steady himself. The wet, slippery skin of the proles did nothing to slow Joel's descent and he hit the shower floor hard splitting his forehead open. It sparked mass panic among the proles who stampeded out of the showers. Joel was trodden on, kicked and kneed in the ensuing melee. His head hit the floor a couple more times then it all went dark.
"You are an ass Harris" Herman said angrily.
"Careful Herman" Harris warned "you are still a prole to me and I would be careful with whom you choose to make an allegiance"
"I've a mind to report you to the Housemaster"
"Ah yes, Dinosaur. Don't think your special relationship has gone unnoticed" Harris taunted and Herman flew at the bully, fists flailing.

Tyrell and Stone stepped in but Willy saved Herman.
"Stop it!" Willy yelled "We need to get Phillips to matron, he looks bad"
"What is going on?" the new Shep demanded as he stepped into the shower room.

Harris looked at the Shep contemptuously but turned and walked away without a word. Joel was groggy but moving. A bump was already rising under the small half inch cut on his forehead. For such a little cut there was an awful lot of blood, or at least seemed to be as it mixed with the shower water. Joel hadn't been unconscious for more than a few seconds but he was dazed and disorientated. One thing being knocked cold did do, was make Joel sleepy. His head nodded as Herman, Willy, and the Shep hauled him to his feet. Joel just wanted to be left alone, the cold water splashing against his face felt good. He remembered nothing of being carried to the sick bay as the darkness came back.

'Well I managed to beat my record I suppose' Joel thought as he finally opened his eyes. It had only taken a few hours before he needed medical attention this year. When Joel woke up again Herman was stood looking over him with concern. He saw Joel's eyes open and shouted:
"He's waking up Matron!"
"This can't be heaven you're too ugly to be an angel" Joel said with eyes half open.
"That's certainly not where you will go when you expire" Herman snorted.
Joel laughed, then grimaced, as his head pounded.
"The doctor will be here in a minute" Matron said a little relieved as she entered the room.

Still drying her hands, she looked into Joel's eyes then at the clumsily applied butterfly stitches on his forehead. Kindly as Matron was, lacerations were not her speciality. The blood-flow which had waned to a trickle began to gush again when she agitated the area by trying to tidy up the stitches. The poor old girl shook like a leaf when she initially put them on. The butterfly stitches were merely sticky plasters designed to hold the two sides of the wound together, and they came off due to the blood moistening the area.

She brought a couple of fresh ones in but unaware Joel didn't actually feel any pain (apart from an accompanying headache), Matron tried to apply the new stitches as gently as possible. Sensing her trepidation Joel suggested he put them on himself and Matron fetched a mirror. Joel sat up in the sick-bay bed and Matron held the mirror. She was still shaking a little and Joel's attempt was equally as clumsy, he was confused working with a mirror image.
"My, my, you are in the wars" Matron soothed, then to Herman "Go and get the boy some dry clothes"

Joel's wet clothes had been removed and Herman trotted back to the Lodge as instructed. He came back with a change of clothes but Joel noticed immediately the trousers weren't his. The only spare pair Joel had were the grey ones.
"I couldn't find any trousers in your locker so I brought you a spare pair of mine" Herman lied.

Herman was being kind. Those grey trousers were the source of much ridicule for Joel in his first year. Matron left the room to let the boy change.
"Where are my other clothes?" Joel asked.
"I put them in the drying room for you, they were sopping wet" Willy replied.
"Yes Matron said we should take them off in case you caught cold, but she did insist on taking your underpants off herself" Herman smirked and Joel's eyes widened.
"No she didn't" Willy said in his usual no nonsense manner "I took them off, Matron left the room"

Willy didn't do teasing or lying, he was an odd boy in some ways, but his honour couldn't be questioned. Joel was dressed and sat on the edge of the bed when Matron came back in. She looked the boy over after ushering Herman and Willy out.
"I suppose you fell over like last year" Matron said with a knowing look.
"With a little help" Joel couldn't keep the bitterness out of his tone.
"If there is anything you want to tell me..." Matron said letting her words trail off.
"I'll be fine" Joel assured her and smiled.

The doctor then came in and looked at the stitches with disbelief.
"Who put these on?" he demanded.
"I-I did" Joel answered nervously thinking he was in trouble.
"What? You mean you had to put your own stitches on?"

The doctor was incredulous but kept silent as he moved a pencil in front of Joel's eyes, asking him to follow its path without moving his head. Joel had a mild concussion, not for the first nor last time. The doctor turned to Matron.
"Make sure he stays awake until bedtime and he should be fine, is there someone who can sit with him"
"I'm sure I can find someone" Matron assured the doctor.

Matron asked Herman to spend some time with Joel to keep him awake. The doctor would return on Monday but Joel was to remain in sick bay until then. Joel was crest-fallen. He would miss the pole-fights over the pool once again. His competitive spirit yearned to try his strength.

Joel and Herman talked at great length as they sat on the bed playing cards. It was eye-opener for Joel who generally despised the rich kids he had been thrust among. For all Joel's beatings at home he knew he was loved and cared for. Many of the boarders at Forester were packed off there for convenience. They had no real friends where they lived and many had comparatively loveless lives. In a somewhat ironic twist Joel felt sorry for the very boys who mocked him for being poor. His family might sometimes struggle to put food on the table, and he might not have much in the way of material things, but it dawned on Joel he was far wealthier when it came to the most important thing of all.... love.

After Herman eventually left, Joel had time to collect his thoughts. His mind drifted back to two days earlier and playing football with his friends. His summer of joy was well and truly over.

The initial mishap over with, Joel settled into the school routine again quite quickly. It was obvious Harris would get pretty much his own way this year. The Sheps were a weak bunch and just wanted a quiet time. That didn't bode well for Joel. Once again he was thankful of Herman's loyalty.
"I've signed up for photography" Joel told the only boy he could come close to calling a friend.
"You idiot!"

It wasn't the reaction Joel was expecting, he thought Herman would be pleased.
"This will be your third year it can't be that bad!" Joel suggested.

After rugby which was a double period on a Wednesday (and the only day the boys didn't have afternoon registration), school was finished and the day boys could go home after showers. When the last of the teachers left, a contraband football would be produced and the boarders trotted over to the far field. It was always the far field because a teacher could be seen coming from far off and the boys would run into the trees at the start of the cross-country course to avoid being caught.

One or two proles would appear, just as Herman and Joel had done the previous year, and would watch or act as ball boys. Sometimes if the sides were uneven, one might be invited to play as goalkeeper, a position nobody seemed to relish. As the second years set up the goals with one side's shirts, one of the proles started juggling a ball. Everybody stared as he effortlessly kept the ball in the air. His name was Richards and he was immediately invited to play. Richards wasn't just about tricks either, he was more than a match for more than half of the second years.

At half-time some of the boys lit up cigarettes. Joel last smoked a cigarette with Scott over a year ago. It seemed a waste of money but when Richards offered him a cigarette he took it, more to show he could smoke if he wanted to. Herman didn't smoke and nobody else would offer Joel one, obviously Richards didn't realise Joel wasn't the most popular boy in his year. Smoking was still thought to be 'pretty cool' in a rebellious sort of way and was widespread throughout the school.

On the way back to the Lodge the boys took a shortcut through the copse where the assault course was. They walked right into Harris, Tyrell, and Stone, who themselves had been smoking under cover of the trees. They were standing by the hoist and Harris recognised Richards. Harris, Tyrell, and Stone had been involved in the 'got balls' initiation and it was only the calming influence of other third years that stopped things getting out of hand. Richards stood out because of his complete lack of a reaction. Neither fear nor humiliation, and that irked Harris.
"Prole! Get yourself over to this hoist, now!" Harris demanded.
"I believe I have already had that pleasure sir" Richards responded as cool as you like.
"Do not argue with me, just get here!" ordered Harris annoyed by Richards' insolent manner.
"If you want to see my balls again why not just ask?" Richards' tone was mocking and the other boys laughed.

Harris went red with rage and moved towards Richards menacingly. Herman and Joel stepped forward in unison, blocking Harris' path. Several of the football boys behind them stood their ground as well. Harris thought better of it.
"This matter is by no means done and dusted" Harris said threateningly but turned away, followed by his cronies.

Joel felt sorry for Richards because the boy didn't know what he had let himself in for. Nothing seemed to faze him. He was comparatively slight in build albeit of a similar size to Joel, but there was a confident air about him. Had he not been a prole, Joel would have spent more time with him from the onset. Richards was quite a strange in many respects, but Joel thought the same of most boys at Foresters. He liked the fact Richards had stood up for himself,  it reminded Joel of his friends in the village. Richards was always invited to play football from that day and he had taken a shine to Herman and Joel for intervening with Harris.

* * * * *

Joel had heard all the rumours about the boys from the local Comprehensive but they all stemmed from a long time before. Forester boys had long since learned to go into town in groups and apart from verbal abuse there was little or no confrontation. The worst thing of course was when a boy sneaked out of school grounds as Joel was prone to do. With no others from Forester around town and the uniform a dead give-away, it was the time when Joel (or others) were most vulnerable.

Just happy to get out of school, Joel often sneaked out alone. He wondered about the local boys. If they hated the boys from Forester so much they couldn't be all bad. Joel stupidly believed he could make friends with some of the local boys. He underestimated the loathing felt towards his school uniform. His upbringing didn't count, he was one of them in essence, but his uniform said otherwise. The hatred may have been to the upper-class accents, a by-product of wealth, or the arrogance a lot of Forester boys displayed. They had a tendency to look down their nose at anyone and everyone. Joel didn't blame the local boys for their prejudices.

One evening Joel slipped away after dinner and went to the park on his own. It had rained earlier but cleared up by the time Joel left the school grounds. There were only two boys in the park to begin with and Joel would have gone to talk to them but they were older and gave him a funny look. Soon the park started filling up with kids of all ages and Joel looked for someone to approach. He saw a boy on his own who looked to be a similar age. Joel approached the boy. When the boy saw Joel coming he turned round and hurriedly walked the other way. Turning back Joel saw six or seven boys walking towards him.

There was something not quite right about their demeanour and Joel had a bad feeling. He turned away, suddenly nervous. Joel had only walked a couple of paces when he was grabbed by the shoulders and spun around. The biggest of the boys looked at him.
"Where are you going little girl?" he asked mockingly.
"I'm a boy" Joel responded with as much confidence as he could muster.
"Boys that like boys are the same as girls" he scoffed.

Joel wanted to argue but the atmosphere was hostile and he was scared. He tried to turn and walk away but the other boys had surrounded him and he was pushed back into the middle.
"What do you want?" he asked truculently.
"We wanna see yer tits" one of the other boys said laughing.
"I told you, I'm a boy" Joel said still defiant.
"We'd best see then" the biggest boy said and lunged at Joel.

They all grabbed Joel and started tugging at his clothes. He struggled but there were too many and he lost his blazer, trousers and a shoe before hearing a voice.
"Leave him alone!"

Three older girls had seen what was happening and came to Joel's rescue. The boys laughed and trotted off with their booty.
"Ha ha, you girls stick together!" the ringleader shouted back.

The local lads threw Joel's clothes into a puddle and jumped on them, two of the girls chased the boys off. They retrieved Joel's clothes for him.
"Your clothes are soaking wet" one girl said passing them to Joel.

It was uncomfortable putting his trousers back on but he was self-conscious standing in front of the older girls in just his underpants.
"You can come back to my house and my mum'll wash them for you if you want" one girl offered.
"I can't. I shouldn't even be out and have to get back quick" Joel explained.
"Shame, you're kinda cute" the girl said and kissed Joel on the cheek making him blush.

It almost brought a tear as Joel was reminded of Jodie, it was the last time he had blushed and though it made him feel uncomfortable, it was nice as well. It seemed in just about every situation Joel's thoughts always turned to the village.

The girls walked him back to the school to make sure he didn't get ambushed and they promised to look out for him again. Joel went straight to the showers to wash his trousers and blazer whilst showering. Putting the clothes in the drying room, he hoped they would be dry by morning. He still had the grey pair of trousers as spare but didn't have another blazer. Joel went up to the dormitory as if just having showered and was relieved nobody had missed him. The experience put Joel off going into town on his own for a while. There were other repercussions. The next day Joel looked even scruffier than normal, his blazer was a creased up mess and he had lost two of the three buttons.
"My God, do we allow tramps in the school now?" one boy said to a friend.

The boy had said it quietly but Joel heard the comment. It was all too much for Joel and he hit the boy hard splitting his eyebrow open. The boy fell over but it was a delayed reaction. It was when he saw the blood, and probably fainted as opposed to being knocked out by Joel. It made no difference.
"Headmaster's study after breakfast Phillips, get up Duggan and go and see Matron" Herrn said without emotion as he surveyed the scene.

Herrn was the German teacher whom was unjustly referred to as 'Herrn'. It was with reference to Herr (Mr.) and the fact that weak masculine nouns are given an 'n' in the German language, implying the teacher was a weak masculine. Herrn was a smoker. He had made a point of finding every hiding place and he patrolled them. Smoking was punishable by six of the best and the cigarettes were confiscated and destroyed. Herrn would catch boys smoking but would just confiscate the cigarettes and gloat, especially if he caught a boy with a nearly full packet. At least the boys didn't get the beating but it was annoying nevertheless. For reasons unknown, Herrn hated Dinosaur and did little to hide it.

The feud between the two schools had been going on a long time but for Joel it had become personal and he wouldn't forget the older local boy in a hurry. If he had any sense, Joel would have put the incident behind him and considered himself lucky the girls were there to save him. As you've probably guessed by now, Joel had a crappy attitude even before circumstances were to conspire to make it worse. It was to be quite a while before he was to get a chance of revenge on the Comprehensive boys, out of school hours. In the meantime, there was another way he could gain some satisfaction.

The Comprehensive school had only recently started playing rugby because like most schools, football was the number one sport. It meant they were relatively inexperienced, unlike the Forester boys whose number one sport was rugby. Joel's anger at the boys who humiliated him in the park was to be vented on the rugby field. Unfortunately it was against boys his own age and not the ones who attacked him, but it would do for now. The feud between the schools simmered but never boiled over. In time to come Joel was to be instrumental in changing all that.

Joel didn't understand what all the fuss was about with the photography club. Dinosaur was quite pleasant and relaxed, in stark contrast to his History lessons where he seemed to look for any excuse to punish someone. There were only eight boys signed up which Joel thought low, Dinosaur was not a popular teacher.

Being the History teacher it was perhaps expected that Dinosaur would recreate historical poses. Generally the boys would dress up in historical costumes borrowed from the drama group and Dinosaur would choreograph poses. It was a lot of fun dressing up then taking turns using the cameras. Joel wondered why Herman had a problem with Dinosaur. He seemed to get preferential treatment. Perhaps it was because he always had to stay behind to put away and lock up the equipment. Surely it wasn't that hard. Joel thought about volunteering to stay behind and help. Herman went mad when Joel suggested it. He was hard to fathom sometimes.

Bullying at boarding school was far worse than at other schools because the victim has to be constantly on their guard. They couldn't go home for some respite like day-boys did. Today bullies can take their malice into a victim's home via some social networking site but a computer can be switched off. Unfortunately for Joel, his nemesis Harris didn't have an on / off switch. Harris caught Joel coming back from the dining hall alone. Tyrell and Stone grabbed the boy on the urging of Harris and held his arms. Harris hit Joel in the stomach three times and the boy doubled over in pain.
"No cuts nor bruises to show this time" Harris said smirking as he turned away and Joel struggling for wind thought it was over.
"Oh, I nearly forgot..." Harris said suddenly and turning back lashed out with his foot.

His foot connected with the delicate area between Joel's legs. Joel was unable to suppress the cry of pain as he sank to the ground. He lay there holding himself, unable to move. The pain eventually subsided and Joel rose to his feet determined to be more careful in future. In his mind Joel thought of different ways to hurt Harris but the bully never seemed to be alone. Joel had no friends to back him up. Even the boys who didn't dislike Joel recognised the fact that being friendly with him was likely to draw attention to themselves.

It didn't even occur to Joel he was the victim of bullying. His mulish tendencies wouldn't allow him to take injustice lying down and Joel believed boys who were bullied to be weak. One thing Joel did learn was empathy. He understood how it must feel to be discriminated against for whatever reason. Joel's class was set an English language assignment whereby the boys had to write an essay on a 'four-legged friend', the best ones to be read out in class. Most boys wrote nice little stories about a dog, a cat, or a horse. Joel's story was selected to be read out. His only ever four-legged pet was Zorro so he naturally wrote about the pole-cat. The essay told how the village boys put the ferrets down their trousers which caused much mirth.
"Why on earth did you choose a pole-cat for a pet?" one boy asked after Joel finished reading.

When Joel explained about catching rabbits, more and more questions were fired at him by a number of boys. Even Campbell, the English teacher, seemed interested. Joel saw the looks on the faces of some boys and a wicked glint came into his eye. None of these boys knew what it was like to catch and kill their own food. Joel took great delight in telling how he killed his first rabbit and hit it so hard the eyes had popped out. Graphic descriptions on gutting and skinning the rabbit followed. A couple of boys who regarded rabbits as sweet little bunnies looked decidedly queasy.

The bell called Joel's story to a halt but none of the boys moved as Joel finished his story. Joel was the only boy whose essay had promoted a debate of sorts. He wished he could show his classmates how the boys of the village hunted rabbits and pheasants, tickled trout and cooked crabs. They had never known the fun and satisfaction a boy gets from being able to fend for himself away from civilisation. Perhaps they wouldn't be so mean or stand-offish if they knew how to have a bit more fun.
"I want a follow essay, minimum 500 words, on my 'exotic pet'. This can be anything at all, use your imaginations" Campbell told the class.
"Can it be a tiger Sir?" one boy asked.
"It can be anything at all"
"What if I don't have one Sir?" Joel asked.
"Nobody expects you to have a tiger, use your imagination!"
"It's imagination I don't have Sir" Joel said and some boys laughed irritating Campbell.
"With the story you have just told us all I am sure that is not the case"
"But that all happened" Joel protested but he could see Campbell had caused some boys to doubt him.

Feeling aggrieved, Joel's follow up essay wasn't exactly what Campbell expected. Even though no reading out was scheduled, Campbell chose to read Joel's to the rest of the class. Joel put on a pained expression. The essay was a protest of sorts against Campbell doubting him, Joel didn't expect it to be heard by his classmates. It caused much hilarity among the class and Joel suddenly realised he could make people laugh.

Joel chose a trained house spider as an exotic pet. He wrote some nonsense how it used to come when called until one day he pulled the spider's legs off. Joel said it wouldn't come to him anymore and stated spiders go deaf if you pull their legs off. It was more protracted but you get the idea. The story signalled the emergence of Joel as the 'Class Clown'. He couldn't make the boys like him but the ability to hold their interest and make them laugh felt like he had a little power. Joel didn't realise it was just another nail in the coffin.

What was he thinking of? He provided a source of entertainment for the very boys who hated him and often antagonised teachers to do it. Thank goodness for rugby.

* * * * *

Now he was part of the photography club Joel found himself in Dinosaur's good books. His marks in History greatly improved and Joel became a regular in the school rugby team. In fairness Joel deserved his place in the team, but he hadn't made any extra effort in History yet soon went from the bottom five in the class to the top five.

It irritated Joel how the teacher could manipulate the marks one way or the other, but he wasn't about to voice his displeasure. It also irritated Joel how Herman had discouraged him from joining the photography club. He could have had far fewer canings if he had joined the club in the beginning and thought Herman was maybe guarding his standing as class pet.

Joel was making boys laugh in class and gained a certain amount of respect through rugby, but after school hours he found himself very much alone. By not engaging in conversation with other boys, Joel was also lacking a certain knowledge which among twelve and thirteen year old boys was becoming obsessive. In the showers after games the difference between Joel and his peers was becoming even more noticeable and he began to wonder if there was something wrong with him.

Joel became self-conscious overnight. His lack of maturity shared only by Kramer and one or two other boys, was now a source of shame. Joel felt inadequate and hung back at shower time so as few boys as possible would see him. It meant tepid water but it was a small price to pay for not being observed. Kramer must have had similar thoughts but took it a step further and chose to shower with his shorts on. After rugby one afternoon Dinosaur went into the changing rooms to check up on the boys just as Kramer came out of the shower.
"Get those shorts off boy! Are you ashamed of what you've got?" Dinosaur boomed.
"Ashamed of what he hasn't got more like" one boy said and there was a lot of sniggering.

All eyes were on Kramer as he let his wet shorts drop to the floor his hand covering his embarrassment.
"Now get back in there and wash properly" Dinosaur ordered then noticed Joel dawdling "And what are you waiting for Phillips?"
"Nothing Sir" answered Joel and strode to the shower seemingly unconcerned.
"Come on the rest of you, get dressed" Dinosaur said curtailing the sniggers.

Joel looked at Kramer. Was he crying? It was hard to tell with water splashing on the boy's face but his eyes looked red. It might just have been the shampoo. After that day Joel and Kramer began to get friendlier, both sharing this neotenic curse. Joel liked Kramer when he was on his own. He didn't show off and put on a front like he did in the presence of other boys.

Kramer chattered away and Joel was happy to listen even though he didn't believe or agree with a lot of what was said. Herman and Willy never talked much and Dean was moody so Joel had never heard so many words all in one go. It was almost like being back in the village where he couldn't get a word in edgeways. Kramer spoke endlessly about girls, mostly rude things, and Joel had so many questions he wanted to ask, but could he trust Kramer?