10. Dead On Arrival
'Death is a strange experience but one everybody should try at least once before they die' - jp
"Look at the state of you" he admonished.
Joel looked down at himself a little puzzled. He was a bit dishevelled but no more than usual.
"What?"
"You can put a suit on a pig, but it's still a pig" his father snorted derisively.
"Go and get changed" his mother ordered rather coldly.
"Nice to see you, glad you're home, how was school..." Joel muttered under his breath as he climbed the stairs.
Opening his bedroom door Joel's eyes nearly popped out. A brand new bicycle! Joel's only previous bike was one he had made up from old bits he found lying around. He rushed downstairs four steps at a time.
"Is it mine?" he asked excitedly.
"No, it's the new blokes. We're renting your room out" his father said but was unable to keep the smile away.
"Thank you" Joel mumbled hardly able to believe his ears.
He turned and dashed back upstairs. Joel had been asking for a bike since he was five years old, he stopped asking at ten. It was unbelievable, the best thing ever. Joel was over the moon.
"What do yer think then?"
Joel's head swung round seeing his father had followed him upstairs. Joel's mother stood behind him in the doorway.
"Oh wow" was all Joel could manage.
Joel turned to hug his father but a hand was thrust out before he could get close. Father and son shook hands. Joel rushed to his mother and flung his arms around her and she hugged him back. He didn't want to let go but after a few seconds she pushed him away.
"Come on that's enough now, let's see you ride it"
For two days, Joel was never off the bike. On the third morning he did his chores hurriedly, so he could get out on his new bike.
"Where are you going?" came a voice that stopped Joel in his tracks.
"Out"
"Not until you make that fire properly and chop some more kindling" his father contested.
"I'll be late meeting the others" Joel complained.
"Should have got up earlier"
"I did but someone made me do it again"
"Do it right or do it twice!"
Joel rolled his eyes. He had heard the time-worn expression countless times, but as he rebuilt the fire Joel recognised it would have been difficult to light. Damn his father for being right all the time! He dashed out after rebuilding the fire, not bothering to wash his hands or even get a slice of bread and jam.
In spite of the hold up Joel met his friends in good time and they were soon riding down a country lane in bright sunshine. All the stresses and strains of school evaporated in the golden sunshine flashing in the boys faces, as rays broke through overhead branches and leaves. The boys came to a hill and pedalled as fast as they could, racing each other. Joel heard a shout from behind, but the wind was rushing past his ears and the sound was muffled. Another shout. Joel turned his head sideways to hear. At the bottom of the hill the road bent round to the right. When he looked forward again the bike hit the bank propelling Joel forward and over the handlebars. Joel's head hit a tree and he rolled back down the bank into the road.
The boys behind saw what had happened, their momentum carrying them past Joel until they skidded to a halt. As they ran back to their friend he started moving. Joel had only been unconscious a few seconds but something was very wrong. When he opened his eyes everything was upside down. As his friends approached Joel tried to stand up without success. He found himself rolling around in the road.
"Are you okay?" Xander asked with concern.
"NO! Go and get someone!" Joel replied harshly, knowing it was serious.
"Stop messing about" Ashley said accusingly.
"I'm NOT messing about. Get someone NOW!!"
The boys realised it wasn't a prank and raced off to the nearest house. Joel kept trying to stand up, unsuccessfully. Then he hit on an idea. He closed his eyes and stood up perfectly. When he opened them again he fell flat on his face. A man came and looked at Joel whose eyes were rolling about in his head. Instantly he knew something was seriously wrong.
"Keep him sitting up, I'll get my car" the man said and dashed off.
Joel was put in the car and driven to hospital. He remembered being put in a wheelchair outside the hospital but as the doors opened there was a blinding white flash, then it all went dark. Dying is a strange experience, almost euphoric in Joel's case. But he never had the problem of pain or trauma when he crossed that invisible threshold between worlds. It seemed the harder Joel hit his head the less it hurt. Joel just felt pleasantly dizzy when it all went black.
'Am I dead?' Joel wondered, quite untroubled by the thought.
"Quick, he's not breathing"
"Pulse?"
'I can't be dead yet I can still hear people' It didn't occur to Joel to try and open his eyes. He was aware of a pressure on his chest but couldn't feel it. A doctor was administering cpr.
'I'm not there anymore' Joel sang to himself silently, as if teasing the doctors.
There was a sudden surge and Joel was up in the corner of the room looking down on himself, his eyes now open. There was a flurry of activity around his body on the table. The fascination was brief as Joel became aware of changes. It was like he didn't have a body.
'Am I just a brain? I can feel my face, my cheeks and my smile... perhaps I'm just a face'
The door opened and without a thought he swished down from the ceiling and through the gap just before the door swung shut. The motion was swift and fluid, a curious white shadow followed like the tail of a comet. Through one door, then another, and another. The outside door opened and Joel was out of the hospital in a flash. Joel soared up to roof-top height and down the darkened street. It was night time and the street-lamps shone brightly just a few feet below him. Glaringly so. Recognising the street, Joel wanted to see his house.
Time seemed not to exist or he moved at incredible speed, the three mile journey from the hospital took just seconds. The house was in darkness and he hovered at his bedroom window height. Suddenly unsure, Joel hesitated. Something behind him attracted his attention. It wasn't a noise or a light, it was a sensory thing, an instinct. Joel turned as if looking back over his shoulder had he a body, and then in a swift blur of motion he was back in the hospital.
"He's back" a doctor declared triumphantly.
'That's odd' Joel thought as he looked down on himself again from the ceiling, Then it went black once more.
It felt no more than a blink but when Joel opened his eyes his father was sat next to the hospital bed looking relieved.
'That was one hell of a dream' Joel thought.
When Joel was told he was in a coma for three days and had actually died at one point, he began to wonder if indeed it was a dream. One thing about nearly dying is the change in attitude of a person. There is a tendency to live for the day. Death is no longer a concern, it holds no mystery any more. Joel saw the smile on his father's face but it didn't reach his eyes, he looked unshaven and haggard. Worry lines were etched all over the man's face.
"Is my bike okay?" Joel asked and for a split second thought his father about to explode.
It was many years later after the death of his father, Joel's mother told the story. Joel's father blamed himself for the accident. He mistakenly thought Joel's angry mood over his chores may have contributed to an error of judgement. He also cursed himself for buying the bicycle in the first place. It upset Joel to learn how for years his father lived with that guilt and it was all unnecessary. Joel's mood changed the instant the door was closed and behaved no differently than he would otherwise have done. As for the bike he would have borrowed one, or been sat on the handle bars of another. Joel would have gladly told his father the truth had he known how he felt.
The other boys had rushed home and told Joel's parents about the accident. They arrived at the hospital just in time to see Joel being rushed through the hospital on a bed. He was deathly white and motionless.
"Oh my God he's dead!" Joel's mother shrieked and promptly fainted.
Joel's father stayed by his bedside for three days and neither ate nor slept. It was at the point the doctors were getting concerned but only a fool argued with Joel's father in this mood. It was the only time Joel's mother ever saw his father cry.
There was a loud ringing in one of Joel's ears and it made hearing difficult. He didn't realise then it would be a permanent fixture. Everything was the right way up again and Joel thought he had only been asleep a few minutes.
"Where are my clothes?"
A doctor came before he had an answer and started checking the boy over. He started asking lots of questions but Joel just wanted to go and see if he had dented his brand new bike. He felt fine and sat up. The room started spinning and he flopped back again. Joel wasn't in pain but his muscles weren't responding how his brain was asking them to. The ears have a bearing on balance, and Joel's balance was shot. He was confined to bed because dizzy spells were frequent and prolonged. There was the odd habit of falling asleep as though someone had just flicked a switch. Joel could be standing up and fall asleep. It was dangerous when he then collapsed, another blow to the head could have been fatal.
After two weeks in hospital Joel was allowed home but still confined to bed. His friends had come to see him in hospital but would leave when he fell asleep in mid-sentence. When Joel was back at home the visits dwindled and he missed the whole summer holiday. To his friends it was as if Joel was still at boarding school. All Joel could see was his friends drifting further from him. At least he wouldn't have to go back to Forester yet. On the surface Joel was recovering quickly. He didn't fall asleep as much, and the dizzy spells were becoming less frequent and much shorter.
Joel's father went away to sea again and his mother was working the same long hours. He was no longer confined to bed but had to stay upstairs where the bathroom was. Stairs were out of the question. Joel used a Zimmer-frame to get to the toilet, his hands trembled like an old man. Joel didn't consider himself injured though. He was living the life of Riley. House to himself all day, television, snacks, and most important no Forester.
The no stairs rule went on the second day. Joel felt hungry and went downstairs on his backside as he did as a toddler. He crawled back up the stairs just before his mother was due home. And so it went on each day Joel was getting a little stronger. He may have been forgotten during the holidays but was soon remembered when the village boys went back to school. During the summer he couldn't do anything. Couldn't go to the woods, couldn't go scrumping apples, couldn't even play football. With the autumn / winter term beginning Mattie recognised a benefit.
Joel heard the knock at the door. He ignored it. He wasn't allowed downstairs and it wouldn't be one of his friends because it was school time. A relative would just go round to the back door which was rarely locked. The person knocked again but still Joel ignored it. Most people knocked twice in case the first wasn't heard. Another knock. Three was unusual. Joel decided to investigate. He shuffled down the stairs on his butt again and steadied himself against the walls as he went to the door.
"At last!" Mattie said and pushed past Joel "Thought you'd died.... again, ha ha"
"Why aren't you at school?" Joel asked closing the door.
"It's a rubbish day" Mattie replied screwing his nose up.
It struck Joel how he would have liked it to be so easy to bunk off school for a day at Forester. The walk had taken its toll on Joel and he steadied himself against the wall. Mattie noticed and grabbed his friend's elbow steadying him.
"Are you okay?"
"It'll pass in a minute" Joel assured Mattie.
"Good job I'm here" Mattie declared triumphantly.
"It wouldn't have happened if some idiot hadn't been banging on the door" Joel countered, trying to sound annoyed.
"Pfft, that's all the thanks I get"
"Make yourself useful and get my frame" Joel said pointing to the top of the stairs.
"Hah! That's what grannies have" Mattie said laughing as he fetched it.
The boys made their way into the front room and sat down.
"So why are you here?"
"Thought you'd be bored so I thought I've come to cheer you up" Mattie said brightly.
"Thought you'd come and skive school in comfort you mean" Joel snorted.
"That as well" Mattie laughed.
It was Mattie that made Joel realise for the first time the ringing in his ear may be a problem. Joel kept asking Mattie to repeat himself which began to become tedious after a while and it was infuriating when after the third time of asking Mattie would say 'Oh forget it'. Joel was still glad of the company. Mattie continued to come round once a week and Joel continued to improve.
"See you've got rid of the granny-frame" Mattie said when Joel answered the door holding a walking stick one day.
Joel nodded. He wasn't sure what Mattie had said having only heard the vowel sounds. Joel's mind tried filling in the blanks and guess the rest. It was something he would have to learn quickly or keep asking people to repeat themselves. The boys sat around and watch videos all day. Mattie was good company but he mumbled when he spoke and Joel found it hard work deciphering what was said. One day Joel felt the urge to go to the toilet during a good part in the film the boys were watching. He waited a little too long and rushed to the stairs. The swift motion made Joel's head spin and he collapsed to his knees at the foot of the stairs.
Mattie rushed over. He put one of Joel's arms across his shoulders and helped the boy upstairs. Joel had always admired Mattie because of his practicality. His no-nonsense manner reminded Joel a little of Willy at school, but at least Mattie knew how to have fun. The boys became closer in those months during Joel's recuperation. It was to make future events even harder to bear.
The fun couldn't last. A letter from school bore disturbing news. If Joel didn't return after half-term he would have to stay down a year. The consequences would be unbearable. It felt like Joel had made being a misfit an art form. Joel lied about his rate of recovery to ensure he could go back to school after the short half-term break. Keeping his dizzy spells a secret Joel was eventually allowed out of the house and went to watch his friends playing football. Joel sat by the goal post and cheered the boys on, or gave derisory hoots if someone messed up. One errant shot nearly hit Joel.
"Hey! Watch out for the cripple" Ashley shouted.
"You mean the deaf old codger with the walking stick" Xander said and everyone laughed.
Joel laughed with them. They were his friends and he knew they didn't mean anything by it. All the deaf jokes started being told and the boys would mock Joel's requests for someone to repeat themselves. Why do words from friends sound funny yet the same words became malicious when delivered by others? Or perhaps it is just the frequency with which they are used. Joel didn't realise then how those same words would soon cut like a knife.
As it neared time to go back to school Joel began to worry. He would be vulnerable. It was doubtful Harris or Buster would respect his disability and he wouldn't be able to fight back. Joel's father came home on leave in time to take him back to school. Driving into the school car park the clapped out old car drew immediate attention, and everybody watched as Joel emerged from the passenger side.
Some snide comments were made but Joel's impaired hearing saved him the humiliation. Dinosaur greeted the boy and his father. Getting a brief run-down on what had happened Dinosaur told a prole to go and get Kramer. Joel waved his father off, thankful when the old car disappeared out of sight.
"Yes sir?" Kramer asked and glanced at Joel.
"You and Phillips seemed.... friendly, last term, so I am leaving it up to you to look after him" Dinosaur stated rather than asked.
"Sir?" Kramer was puzzled.
Dinosaur went on to explain Joel's disability and his tendency to lose his balance, telling Kramer to be extra careful on stairs. Joel looked a bit sheepish propping himself up with a walking stick but Kramer smiled.
"Yes Sir!"
As soon as Dinosaur was out of earshot the taunts began. Many of the boys had heard Dinosaur's instruction to Kramer.
"What do you call a poor, deaf, unbalanced cripple? Phillips!" one boy said and everyone laughed.
"Shut up you lot!" Kramer barked but the taunts continued albeit at a lower volume.
Kramer was hardly imposing, but it was known those who crossed him frequently came to a sticky end. For all Kramer's influence he couldn't stop the snide comments and deaf cripple jibes. The primeval instincts of the boys sensed a weakness and even usually timid boys joined in with the caustic comments and abuse. With his disability Joel was a sitting duck and it was open season. He began to rely heavily on Kramer who warmed to the task.
The endless barrage of 'jokes' and insults wore Joel down and he eventually cracked. Joel swung his walking stick at one tormentor. He missed and toppled over, head spinning. Several boys stood over him, calling Joel names and one spat on him. Kramer came to his rescue and had to help Joel to the boarding house.
"Shall I get matron?" Willy asked as Kramer helped Joel onto his bed.
"NO! It will pass" Joel snapped, not wanting to alert anyone to a possible relapse and the prospects of more time off school.
The threat of the additional year was a very real possibility Joel didn't want to consider. Kramer became Joel's shadow. Joel began to think of Kramer as a best friend and confidante, but sometimes he found Kramer hard to gauge.
"What were the nurses like in hospital?" Kramer asked when the boys were alone.
"Jeez, is that all you think of!" Joel exclaimed in mock exasperation.
Kramer paused a few a moments.
"Pretty much" he answered and both boys laughed.
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